


drop off

by chtkwn (mooshu)



Series: disorderly au [7]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Autism, M/M, Neurodiversity, autistic!leo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-02 23:02:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6586405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooshu/pseuds/chtkwn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>just a few wips from my autistic!leo series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	drop off

**Author's Note:**

> as said in summary, just some short random wips. obvi, they arent finished and most prob never will be. ive been rly itching to post something but i havent wrote anything decent so this is all i have @_@

**(1) on 'the badness'**

Tonight is one of those nights.

Taekwoon can't get to sleep, because it's too loud, despite the fact it's almost completely silent at this time of the night. The only real noise he hears is Hakyeon's breathes as he sleeps, and the ticking of their clock on the wall. They're not keeping him from sleep though; it's the "fake" noises of his mind, all the thoughts and pictures that are bouncing around. Kind of like dreaming except he's awake.

Taekwoon leaves the bed, carefully so he won't wake Hakyeon, and sits in the closet. It makes him feel a bit safer, eventhough he doesn't really know why he's afraid right now. There's nothing to be afraid of, he thinks. Maybe there is something, he just can't see it. Only feel.

The closet is small and cramped. Taekwoon curls up, hugging his knees to his chest in order to make a little more room. He leans against the wall and tries to think about something else besides the afraid feeling. Hakyeon's always told him to think about good things when he needs to calm down.

He tries. He thinks about the day he had - they went to the pet store downtown to see the talking parrot, had strawberry shortcake for dessert after dinner, and took a warm bubble bath together. Those are all good things but thinking about them makes him feel worse somehow.

His grip around his knees tightens. He doesn't know what to do. Usually during nights like these, thinking about those good things help him and he's able to calm down enough to get back to bed. It's not working tonight, and he doesn't know why. Maybe Hakyeon would know, but Taekwoon doesn't want to bother him. He's had a lot on his plate - he's behind on work, his car broke down last week, his parents keep annoying him. Taekwoon isn't sure what they're annoying him about, but he know it's just adding to Hakyeon's stress.

He'll just have to get through this alone, and hope it'll be over soon.

 

 

**(2) on autumn**

Taekwoon really likes autumn time. The weather is cooler, which is much better than the heat of summer. The sun is almost always hiding now. The leaves turn pretty and he likes the crunching sound they make when he steps on them. Halloween is everywhere, the stores sets out decorations and candy and costumes and the television plays horror movies all day. Autumn is his favorite time of the year.

Halloween is also his favorite holiday. Taekwoon doesn't understand most holidays but he thinks Halloween is a good one, because of all of the candy and he liked to dress up when he was younger. He also actually likes watching some of the horror movies, but he can't watch them alone and Hakyeon gets too scared at them. He hides his face behind a pillow throughout the entire time and squeezes Taekwoon's hand too tight. Taekwoon secretly loves it though. It's nice knowing that there's something that scares Hakyeon but not him, since he's usually the scared one.

And he knows ghosts and monsters and such aren't real, but he also likes to pretend that he's protecting Hakyeon from them when he snuggles close to Taekwoon in bed afterwards. He doesn't get to do much protecting, since Hakyeon is usually the one protecting him. It's a nice feeling.

 

 

**(3) on christmas parties**

He hates Christmas Eve, because every year his mother throws a huge Christmas party and makes him participate in it. He has to help with food preparation and decorating (red and white twirly streamers, wreaths and stockings), and she makes him wear a dress shirt that is too uncomfortable and itchy for his liking.

The dress shirt is green, which just makes him dislike it even more. Although his mother tells him, "It's not green, it's mint green. There's a difference." Taekwoon doesn't think so.

Then there's the actual party he has to attend, which is where a bunch of his parents' friends and their children come to eat the finger foods him and his mother prepares, then they play some game involving presents. It's so loud throughout the party - the adults do too much talking and laughing and the children squeal and chase each other around the house. Taekwoon spends the entire time sitting in a corner, wondering why he has to attend when his sisters doesn't. That's not very fair.

"Taekwoonie," his mother interrupts him from his thoughts, placing a container of sprinkles in his hand. "I have a big job for you," she says. "Sprinkle these onto those cupcakes. Just a pinch. Are you listening? Can you do that for me?"

Taekwoon nods, looking at the sprinkles. They're Christmas sprinkles, red and white and green. He likes the sound they make when he turns the container upside down, so he does it a couple of times, getting a little lost in it. His mother snaps her fingers at him, which means that he needs to focus and do the job she's given him now.

He does the sprinkles like he's asked to do, and secretly eats some of them. His mother did not bake nor ice these cupcakes, his sister did earlier today, but she's going to pretend she did. Taekwoon doesn't understand why she's doing that. He wonders if his sister even knows.

"Looks good," she says when he's done, and it makes Taekwoon feel very happy that he's managed to satisfy her. The cupcakes do look really, really delicious, and before even trying them he already knows they are. His sister is a very good baker. She's in something called culinary school. She practices cooking and baking a lot, and Taekwoon is her official taste tester. He always get to taste and judge the food first, before anyone else, and it makes him feel very special.

Taekwoon thinks he needs to taste these cupcakes first as well. That's what his sister, who is out at her friend's Christmas party, would want. He points to them, looking towards his mother.

She gets it. "You want one?" she asks, and he nods. "Use your words then."

His mother has been doing _use your words_ a lot to him, because that's what his doctor said to do as a way to "encourage him to speak more". If Taekwoon needs or wants something, he has to say it out loud instead of just pointing or sending text messages. It doesn't work very well. He's not a good talker, unless he's talking to Hakyeon of course. It's easier with him. He doesn't get annoyed when Taekwoon has to think about his answers or when his sentences gets mixed up, like almost everyone else does.

Like his mother right now. "Hurry," she says, snapping her fingers.

Taekwoon opens his mouth. He wants to say that he's the official taste tester, but nothing comes out.

His mother shakes her head, then walks off, saying that she has to get her make up done now and that he's not allowed to touch the cupcakes. Taekwoon is upset. Why does he have to use his words when he doesn't want to? All he wants to do is eat one of the cupcakes because he's the official taste tester. His sister told him so, and these are her cupcakes, not his mother's.

The more Taekwoon thinks about it, the angrier he gets. He has to leave the kitchen before he does something that'll get him in trouble - like toss the entire cupcake platter down onto the floor or something like that. It would be satisfying up until his mother sees, then she'll punish him.

 

 

**(4) on dreams**

Dreams are like little movies in your mind - that's what Taekwoon's mother told him when he was a small child, and now Hakyeon everytime Taekwoon wakes him up after having bad nightmares. 

Nightmares can't hurt you, Taekwoon knows that, but his nightmares are so awful and vivid they seem real before he wakes up. Shadow people following behind him everywhere and whispering his name, doctors pinning him down onto a table to inject needles into his eyes, walls of fire surrounding him as the people trapped in the flames scream, and so much more. Much worse.

Usually Hakyeon can calm Taekwoon down when he wakes. Taekwoon never goes into detail about his morbid nightmares, and he's glad Hakyeon never asks, just takes Taekwoon into his arms and tries to make him feel safe again.

While Taekwoon has nightmares often, he rarely just dreams. When he does it's usually about mundane life, just stranger. He'll dream about riding a bike to the library when he doesn't even know how to ride one, or eating cereal with a fork, or having conversations with Bibi. Eventhough these dreams aren't scary and Taekwoon would much rather have them instead of nightmares, they're still unsettling for some reason.

As soon as Taekwoon falls asleep tonight, he has a nightmare. There's more shadow people, and other dark creatures with empty eye sockets and wide grins, giggling and calling him names as they tiptoe around him. He wakes up after one particularly terrifying face hisses at him, getting closer and closer as he just stands there, paralyzed with fear.

Taekwoon lets out whine after he jerks awake. His heart is thumping fast in his chest.He can still see the face clearly when he closes his eyes and tries to get back to sleep. He snuggles closer to Hakyeon, shaking his shoulder gently in order to wake him up.

 

 

**(5) on habits**

Taekwoon tries to distract himself. He focuses on Hakyeon's hand on his knee, then the world outside the bus window. He gets the window seat always. Hakyeon doesn't mind.

Blurry trees, buildings, people as they ride by. The morning sun is hiding behind a grey cloud. (And then that reminds him of when they were children, and he asked Hakyeon where the sun went when they slept. "There's a huge pillow in outer space and that's where the sun sleeps," he had answered, but Taekwoon knows now that's not true. The sun just goes on the other side of the Earth. They have to share it with other countries.)

"Don't do that," Hakyeon interrupts his thoughts, and pulls at his wrists. Taekwoon hadn't even noticed that at some time during his thinking, he had started to pick and peel the skin of his left palm, which already looks gross from all the other times he's done it. That's one of his 'bad habits'.

Hakyeon lets go and opens his work tote, pulling out a blank sheet of paper. "Here," he says. Taekwoon takes the paper and starts tearing it into pieces like he's supposed to, the alternative to his skin peeling. Slowly down the middle lengthwise - now there's two pieces. Repeat until the urge to pick goes away. It's not as satisfying but it's okay, he thinks.

**Author's Note:**

> im stuck w my writing again (you know how i didnt post for a rly rly long time last yr, i was stuck then too). so if anyone has any ideas or smth for this series pls tell me ;;;; or ask a question you may have, maybe i'll answer it w a fic lol @_@ (my [tumblr](http://taekah.tumblr.com))
> 
> ((and let me know what you think abt these wips.. maybe i'll try expand on them if you like them idk))


End file.
